Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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