I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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