I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
