i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize