do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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