i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
