Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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