i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
