I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
