well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
