Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
