One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
