I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
