Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
