Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
