your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
