Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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