Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
