if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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