Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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