Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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