At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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