are you still at the devil's house?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
