It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
