Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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