I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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