I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
