girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
