I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
