Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
