Having a random hookup so left but love u
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
