I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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