Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize