I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
