Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
