your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
