If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
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