i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
