apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
