Non-Jews are for practice
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
