y did u give ur computer a hand job?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
