I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
