Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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