So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
