hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
