I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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