this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
