Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
