How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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