oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I cut my penus on the lid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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