Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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