The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
