I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
