new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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