Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
