i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
