Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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