he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
