Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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