I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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