i would punch a child for taco bell
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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