You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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