So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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