Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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