I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
