Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
