You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
