dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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